


Greetings, James Tiberius Kirk!

by GravitationalSingularity



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: E-mail, Fix-It, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Romance, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22015216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GravitationalSingularity/pseuds/GravitationalSingularity
Summary: Greetings,James Tiberius Kirk!You have [88] new messages.James Tiberius Kirk::[PSA] Beware the Nexus!Christopher Robin Pike::[REMINDER] SFR-03-9102-1393 CO Authorization for Intimate Relations between Commanding OfficersLeonard Horatio McCoy::OBSERVE SFR-03-9102-1391 RE: INTERSPECIES SEX & STD PREVENTION, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]Leonard Horatio McCoy::MONTHLY MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]Pavel Andreievich Chekov::[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤  VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR… [Read more…]
Relationships: James T. Kirk Prime/Spock Prime, James T. Kirk/Mirror Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 115
Kudos: 315





	1. [PSA] Beware the Nexus!

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **[PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

James T. Kirk,

When brass invites you to christen the Enterprise-B, just say no.

LLAP,

Admiral Kirk

 _This message was sent to you from the Nexus server on behalf of_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>. If you do not know _ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>, please forward this message to <spam@nexus.idic>. _

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

what

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

what’s with the vulcan signoff who are you

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [88] new messages._

**James Tiberius Kirk:: RE: RE: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

**James Tiberius Kirk:: RE: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

James Tiberius Kirk:: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: FW: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - SIGN UP NOW!

**Christopher Robin Pike:: [REMINDER] SFR-03-9102-1391 CO Authorization for Intimate Relations with Alien Species**

**Gary Clark Mitchell:: FW: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - SIGN UP NOW!**

do-not-reply@hr.sf:: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - SIGN UP NOW!

S'chn T'gai Spock:: FW: MONTHLY MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]

**Christine Chapel** **:: FW: MONTHLY MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Nyota Uhura:: FW: MONTHLY MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: MONTHLY MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

Montgomery Christopher Jorgensen Scott:: RE: RE: Request for Security Clearance in Ship Schematic Database (Sec. 31)

Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: FW: FW: IMPORTANT! BRIDGE CREW FITNESS EVALUATION, BETA SHIFT, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: FW: IMPORTANT! BRIDGE CREW FITNESS EVALUATION, BETA SHIFT, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: IMPORTANT! BRIDGE CREW FITNESS EVALUATION, BETA SHIFT, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [908] > >> _

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** hello???

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** who are you???

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [88] new messages and [2] new instant messages._

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** hello???

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** who are you???

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

did you do this on a dare or sth

you’re the only person in my orbit that says llap

unless your dad has been emailing me

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

Dear Captain,

I have never nor will I ever engage in the illogical terran pastime hereby referred to as a "dare".

If you have discovered a loophole in the Starfleet communication system that enables you to email yourself, I suggest you forward your message to Starfleet IT.

Yours Truly,

Spock

P.S.: On the contrary, under prolonged exposure to your species, I regularly adopt terran greetings in order to maintain peaceful interpersonal relations with my predominantly terran crewmates.

P.S.S.: I assure you, Captain, the Ambassador finds the terran custom to employ greetings in written exchanges meaningless. As such the probability that he engages in such behavior is negligible.

P.S.S.S.: I myself find the act of communicating via email when your supposed recipient is next door highly illogical.

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Sarek** <stsarek@nvulcan.ufp>

Subject: **Enquiry**

I wish to enquire if you have sent an email to Captain James T. Kirk titled “[PSA] Beware the Nexus!”.

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Sarek** <stsarek@nvulcan.ufp>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: Enquiry**

Negative.

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

???

BUT I DIDN’T

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

Oops hit the send button too early

Didn’t send to myself I mean^

Are you up for chess practice? ;) the tournament is next week

2100 my quarters? ;)

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

Dear Captain,

Fascinating. Nevertheless I recommend that you contact Starfleet IT should it occur again, as the message may signify an underlying security issue.

I will see you at 2100 hours.

Yours Truly,

Spock

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [90] new messages._

**Christopher Robin Pike:: RE: FU**

Christopher Robin Pike:: My Condolences

Christopher Robin Pike:: RE: oops! :”( we’re not dating i swear :”(

**Christopher Robin Pike:: [REMINDER] SFR-03-9102-1393 CO Authorization for Intimate Relations between Commanding Officers**

Christopher Robin Pike:: RE: Chocolate and Brandy, My Quarters, 2200? ;)

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: Chocolate and Brandy, My Quarters, 2200? ;)

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR ENQUIRY FOR “??? is my acc hacked???” HAS BEEN RECEIVED… [Read more…]

Hikaru Kato Sulu:: Request for Recreational Fencing Equipment (See Attached Form)

**Hikaru Kato Sulu:: RE: BEHOLD BADASS WEAPONRY HEE-YAW**

Hikaru Kato Sulu:: BEHOLD BADASS WEAPONRY HEE-YAW

 **Christine Chapel** **:: FW: OBSERVE SFR-03-9102-1391 RE: INTERSPECIES SEX & STD PREVENTION, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: OBSERVE SFR-03-9102-1391 RE: INTERSPECIES SEX & STD PREVENTION, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

Montgomery Christopher Jorgensen Scott:: RE: RE: RE: Request for Security Clearance in Ship Schematic Database (Sec. 31)

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: RE: RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: RE: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!

_ << < Page [1] of [909] > >> _

* * *

From: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **GE#867-5309 ??? is my acc hacked???**

Dear James Tiberius Kirk,

Thank you for contacting Starfleet IT.

We have performed a check on your account activity and have found no other sign-ins, apart from your current personal device on the USS Enterprise. The “Nexus” server is not registered in the UFP Database for Interstellar Communications.

If you suspect someone has been using your personal device, we recommend that you contact Starfleet Security at your earliest convenience. You can voluntarily change your login details here.

Best Regards,

Starfleet IT

_We want your feedback! Please rate our services on a scale of 1 (least satisfied) to 10 (most satisfied). You will be automatically entered to win a 5-day shore leave on New Vulcan! This advertisement is sponsored by the Vulcan High Council of the United Federation of Planets._

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

Subject: **RE: GE#867-5309 ??? is my acc hacked???**

Ok thanks not your fault

10/10 service you get back fast

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [98] new messages._

**welcome@nvulcan.ufp:: Welcome to New Vulcan!**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: FW: FW: FW: HYPO COLLECTION & ADMINISTRATION RE: SHORE LEAVE, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: FW: FW: HYPO COLLECTION & ADMINISTRATION RE: SHORE LEAVE, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: FW: HYPO COLLECTION & ADMINISTRATION RE: SHORE LEAVE, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: HYPO COLLECTION & ADMINISTRATION RE: SHORE LEAVE, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: Good game ;)

do-not-reply@hr.sf:: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - CONGRATULATIONS!

do-not-reply@hr.sf:: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - FINALISTS, ARE YOU READY?

**Leonard Horatio McCoy:: HYPO COLLECTION & ADMINISTRATION RE: SHORE LEAVE, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: RE: Shore Leave? ;)

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: Shore Leave? ;)

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [ANNOUNCEMENT] CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE WON “5-DAY SHORE LEAVE ON NEW VULCAN”... [Read more…]

do-not-reply@hr.sf:: Starfleet Annual Tri-Dimensional Chess Tournament - SEMI-FINALISTS, ARE YOU READY?

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[AUTOMATIC REPLY] THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK! YOU HAVE BEEN ENTERED TO WIN… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR ENQUIRY FOR “RE: GE#867-5309 ??? is my acc hacked???” HAS BEEN FORWARDED… [Read more…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [910] > >> _

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **Give Spock My Regards**

James T. Kirk,

Wherever / whenever you are, let Spock know I am well.

LLAP,

Admiral Kirk

 _This message was sent to you from the Nexus server on behalf of_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>. If you do not know _ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>, please forward this message to <spam@nexus.idic>. _

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** what the hell

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** is that a threat

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** show yourself

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** coward

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [98] new messages and [4] new instant messages._

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** what the hell

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** is that a threat

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** show yourself

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** coward

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>._

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** haha very funny

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** you are a glitch

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [98] new messages and [2] new instant messages._

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** haha very funny

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** you are a glitch

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **FW: Give Spock My Regards**

he calls himself ADMIRAL kirk. ego much?

someone you know?

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards**

Dear Captain,

I am familiar with a certain individual that exudes a comparable aura of self-assurance. Nevertheless I remain unaware that you hold two different ranks in the fleet.

The message does not seem to bear malicious intent, merely reassurance that you are, indeed, well.

Yours Truly,

Spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards**

cryptic af

it does not hold intent period

I still can’t figure out how my acc got hacked

and wtf is an enterprise b. what happened to my ship

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Leonard Horatio McCoy** <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

horatiooo bae

whaddaya make of this

* * *

From: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **[ERROR] Message Not Delivered:“FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!”**

You have been blocked by **Leonard Horatio McCoy** <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf>. For more information, contact **Starfleet IT** <enquiries@it.sf>.

* * *

From: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Salek** <stsalek@nvulcan.ufp>

Subject: **FW: FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!**

Captain Kirk is distressed over what he suspects to be a hacking attempt (see below).

From previous experience I believe you may be able to, as the terran saying goes, “shed some light” on the matter.

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [102] new messages and [6] new instant messages._

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** Dear Jim,

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I have recently received news from my counterpart that you have been receiving messages from a James Tiberius Kirk through a Nexus server.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I have reason to believe the messages are not a result of, as you suspect, “hacking”, but of a more genuine and desperate nature.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** The James Tiberius Kirk in my universe was stranded in an extra-dimensional realm we call the Nexus.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** The Nexus transcends time and space.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** It is therefore theoretically possible for Jim’s message to reach any point in spacetime.

 **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** woah hold your horses

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** didn’t i die saving a ship

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** or sth

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** shit

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** is that ship called enterprise b

 **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** Affirmative.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I have omitted my recount of certain events in my universe to lower my influence on yours.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** waaat

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** not cool

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** Jim boarded the Enterprise-B on its maiden voyage and entered the Nexus, where he remained for 78 years.

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** 78 yers

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** 78 yeeeaaarrrss???

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** wat the actual fuk

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** when were u gonna tell me huh

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** were u gona tell m e

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i am

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** out f words

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** f u vulcans

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** no wonder i have to warn myself

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** fcking hell spock

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** a warnning wud be nice yknow

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** 78 years jfc **  
**

**_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** My sincerest apologies, Jim. I did not mean to upset you.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** idgaf

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** u’re damn right i’m upset

 **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I wish to see the original message and to speak with you at your earliest convenience.

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** argh i will hit u

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i swear

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i’m waiting to land on nvulcan

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** cos shore leave

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** in like… half an hour

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** my spock will be there too

 **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I am sorry, Jim.

 **S'chn T'gai Salek:** I shall anticipate your arrival.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i am fine

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** once the shock wears off

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i get the whole flimsy spacetime thing

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** so

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** just kinda wished i didn’t spend 78 years in limbo

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** sad way to spend 8 decades yknow :(

 **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** nway llap

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** kirk out

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_S'chn T'gai Salek_ ** _ <stsalek@nvulcan.ufp>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** just wanted to make clear

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** m not mad

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** just shocked

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** not ur fault

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** m sorry

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** n happy to meet :)

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** c ya soon

* * *

**how| [UFP Search]**

“how safe is a transporter”

“how fast is warp one”

“how many red shirts die in an away mission”

* * *

**how do i| [UFP Search]**

“how do i replicate coffee”

“how do i unfeed tribbles”

“how do i skip medical checkups”

* * *

**how do i contact| [UFP Search]**

“how do i contact sf brass”

“how do i contact sf it”

“how do i contact sf med”

* * *

**how do i contact the nexus [UFP Search]**

* * *

_[1] results found for **how do i contact the nexus.**_

* * *

**Welcome to the Nexus!**

Please login to continue.

* * *

**Warning! Security Clearance Required**

**Username:** jtkirk

 **Password:** kirkout|

_Your password does not match your username in our database. Please try again._

* * *

**Warning! Security Clearance Required**

**Username:** stspock

 **Password:** llap|

_Your account does not meet the clearance requirements._

* * *

**Warning! Security Clearance Required**

**Username:** jtkirk

 **Password:** blahblahblah|

_Your password does not match your username in our database. Please try again._

* * *

**Warning! Security Clearance Required**

**Username:** jtkirk

 **Password:** winona|

_Your password does not match your username in our database. Please try again._

* * *

**Warning! Security Clearance Required**

**Username:** jtkirk

 **Password:** llap|

* * *

**Welcome to the Nexus!**

The Nexus opens every 39.1 years. The next available entry will be **Stardate 29083.5**.

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **Hi Admiral**

Hi Jim,

Thanks for the heads up.

I think we know who you are now. What we still don’t know is how we can help. We need this to be a two-way convos. Give us a sign if this mail reaches you.

Spock says hi. He misses you.

LLAP,

Jim and Spocks

* * *

Delay Delivery: **Stardate -----.-|**

Delay Delivery: **Stardate 290|--.-**

Delay Delivery: **Stardate 29083.5** |

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [102] new messages._

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: RE: RE: Enquiry

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: RE: Enquiry

S'chn T'gai Spock:: Gratitude

S'chn T'gai Sarek:: RE: good talk your place is fab :)

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: what should i wear to sarek’s dinner photo attached ;)

S'chn T'gai Sarek:: RE: OMFG THAT WAS NOT MEANT FOR U IM SO SORRY

S'chn T'gai Sarek:: RE: what should i wear to sarek’s dinner photo attached ;)

S'chn T'gai Sarek:: Invitation

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: Enquiry

S'chn T'gai Salek:: Enquiry

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [ERROR] Message Not Delivered:“FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!”

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards

James Tiberius Kirk:: Give Spock My Regards

**welcome@nvulcan.ufp:: Welcome to New Vulcan!**

<< < Page [1] of [911] > >>

* * *

_You have changed the display name for <stsarek@nvulcan.ufp> to **DILF**._

_You have changed the display name for <stsarek@nvulcan.ufp> to **Spock’s Dad**._

* * *

_You have changed the display name for <stsalek@nvulcan.ufp> to **Adm’s Spock**._

* * *

_You have changed the display name for <stspock@ussenterprise.sf> to **My Spock**._

_You have changed the display name for <stspock@ussenterprise.sf> to **Spock.**_

* * *

_You have grouped **Spock’s Dad, Adm’s Spock, Christopher Robin Pike** into **DO NOT SEXT.**_

_You have ungrouped **Adm’s Spock** from **DO NOT SEXT**._

_You have changed the group name for **DO NOT SEXT** to **BEST NOT SEXT.**_

* * *

_You have changed the display name for <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf> t **o** **Bones**._

_You have changed the display name for <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf> to **Horatio**._

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [103] new messages._

**James Tiberius Kirk:: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi Admiral**

Adm’s Spock:: RE: RE: RE: Enquiry

Adm’s Spock:: RE: RE: Enquiry

Spock:: Gratitude

Spock’s Dad:: RE: good talk your place is fab :)

Adm’s Spock:: RE: what should i wear to sarek’s dinner photo attached ;)

Spock’s Dad:: RE: OMFG THAT WAS NOT MEANT FOR U IM SO SORRY

Spock’s Dad:: RE: what should i wear to sarek’s dinner photo attached ;)

Spock’s Dad:: Invitation

Adm’s Spock:: RE: Enquiry

Adm’s Spock:: Enquiry

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [ERROR] Message Not Delivered:“FW: [PSA] Beware the Nexus!”

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards

S'chn T'gai Spock:: RE: FW: Give Spock My Regards

James Tiberius Kirk:: Give Spock My Regards

<< < Page [1] of [911] > >>

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Hi Admiral**

Hi Jim,

I am unsure which message came first, as all your messages come jumbled at around the same time. I’m guessing SF IT has yet to figure out how to accommodate spacetime anomalies. My way around it is to recap our conversations in every message I send. Better safe than sorry.

We have so far deduced that you are my counterpart in an alternate universe, and that in a linear timeline you exist in my past.

In Nexus there is no linear concept of time. The landscapes are shaped by what I remember and what I desire, all of which fleeting and unreal. I have learned this from a man called Picard. He may not yet exist in your universe, or he may not exist at all.

I am open to the theory that if Nexus transcends spacetime, it can theoretically transcend the multiverses, in which case I exist in both your Nexus and mine. It is possible that while I shall die outside of the Nexus when Picard comes to retrieve me, as per my Spock’s history, I am still alive and well in your Nexus.

My distress signal is on. The rest is up to you.

LLAP,

Jim

 _This message was sent to you from the Nexus server on behalf of_ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>. If you do not know _ **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _ <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>, please forward this message to <spam@nexus.idic>._

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Hi Jim,

Hang on tight. We are coming for you.

Jim

* * *

Delay Delivery: **Stardate 29083.5** |


	2. [TerranTerrors] How to Manipulate Vulcans (Into Liking You)

**james t kirk|** **[TE Search]**

“james t kirk kills”

“james t kirk weapons”

“james t kirk assassination”

* * *

**spock|** **[TE Search]**

“spock vulcan”

“spock half breed”

“spock beard”

* * *

**alternate universe|** **[TE Search]**

_This search is monitored by the Imperial Intelligence. You will be redirected to the TE Homepage in 5 seconds…_

* * *

**federation|** **[TE Search]**

_This search is monitored by the Imperial Intelligence. You will be redirected to the TE Homepage in 5 seconds…_

* * *

_May the odds be ever in your favor,_ **_Kirk._ ** _You have [19] new messages._

 **McCoy::** **[ENCRYPTED] BRIDGE CREW ANTIDOTE COLLECTION: KIRK**

 **McCoy::** **BRIDGE CREW ANTIDOTE COLLECTION, SLOTS IN PM, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **terranterrors@subscription.te::** **[TerranTerrors] How to Manipulate Vulcans (Into Liking You)**

Spock:: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] sparring

Spock:: RE: [ENCRYPTED] sparring

Spock:: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] Crew Schedule

Spock:: RE: [ENCRYPTED] Crew Schedule

Spock:: [ENCRYPTED] Crew Schedule

 **Chekov::** **Keptin, I Vant You All To Myself**

 **Sulu::** **[ENCRYPTED] Request for Individualized Agonizers to Counteract Genetic Variations Across Bridge Crew (See Attached Form)**

 **Chekov::** **My Beautiful Keptin, You Mean Everything to Me**

loveinwar@subscription.te:: [LoveInWar] Is romance dead? The changing face of romantic gestures [Read more…]

 **ehistory@subscription.te::** **[eHistory] Why the Resistance in Harlak Was Doomed to Fail**

Spock:: RE: [ENCRYPTED] Security Clearance

Spock:: [ENCRYPTED] Security Clearance

<< < Page [1] of [129] > >>

* * *

From: **McCoy** <lhmccoy@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **[ENCRYPTED] BRIDGE CREW ANTIDOTE COLLECTION: KIRK**

KIRK,

Please collect your antidote package from **DECK 9, RM 3606, BETWEEN 03:25 AND 03:28**.

You must retrieve this package in person.

MCCOY

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _McCoy_** _ <_ _lhmccoy@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _McCoy_** _ <l_ _hmccoy@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <_ _report@intelligence.te_ _>._

* * *

From: **Terran Terrors** <terranterrors@subscription.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **[TerranTerrors] How to Manipulate Vulcans (Into Liking You)**

It’s hard to say why that pointy-eared, green-blooded hobgoblin isn’t falling for you (after all, you are at the top of the food chain!) but here are 12 physiological tricks you can employ on your favorite Vulcan!

 **[1] Cold -** If you can’t get your stronger-than-thou Vulcan to cuddle, stranding them on an icy planet is the way to go! Vulcan is a hot planet and any subzero temperatures (Delta Vega anyone?) will reduce them to a weak, quivering mess, perfect for sharing body heat!

 **[2] Chocolate** \- Vulcans don’t care much for alcohol, but a little chocolate goes a long way. That being said, if you’re tight on budget, any form of food poisoning will likely do the trick. Vulcans have a weak stomach, so let the pharmacist in you run free! (For more ideas, refer to Captain Kirk’s List of Poisons for Subjugated Species in the Terran Empire. Our favorite captain isn’t awarded Master of Poisons for nothing!)

**[3] Pon Farr, [4] Emotional Trauma, [5] Hands,...**

Click here to learn more about **How to Manipulate Vulcans (Into Liking You)**!

Unsubscribe jtkirk@issenterprise.te from this email.

* * *

Unsubscribe from **Terran Terrors [CONFIRM]**

* * *

Unsubscribed: **Terran Terrors** will stop sending you emails.

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] sparring**

Dear Captain,

Vulcans experience no fear. I am merely pointing out that Mr. Sulu is one of the most competent sparring partners on this ship. You will both benefit greatly from the training.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <_ _report@intelligence.te_ _>._

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: [ENCRYPTED] sparring**

Dear Captain,

It is indeed imperative for a starship captain to maintain peak physical health, especially for a man of your position. Hence I highly recommend Mr. Sulu for sparring practice.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <_ _report@intelligence.te_ _>._

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **SOS**

Spock,

I need your help|

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **as per te regulations ???**

Commander,

I demand that|

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **chess? ;)**

how would you like to play chess at 2100 my quarters? ;)

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **chess**

chess, 2100, my quarters

not a minute late

I will have your head on a spear if you|

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **chess**

chess, 2100, my quarters

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **[ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

Dear Captain,

Please remember to encrypt your messages.

I will see you at 2100.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

**accidental|** **[TE Search]**

“accidental murder”

“accidental genocide”

“accidental mutilation”

* * *

**accidental sex|** **[TE Search]**

 _[1230] results found for_ **_accidental sex_** ** _._ **

Are there such ridiculous things as “had sex on accident”? [Read more…]

What it's like to have an accidental threesome [Read more…]

Erotic asphyxiation is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain [Read more…]

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

that was not chess

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

Dear Captain,

It was not _only_ chess. If you recall we did have a game, in which I won.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

yes yes

i had to tell you something

but between u pulling off my pants n all i forgot

can we meet again

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

and talk like civilized men before i lose my mind

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

Dearest T'hy'la,

If you wanted a “heart-to-heart”, as the terran saying goes, you need only ask.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

i was so sure you hated me

half your emails refer me to sulu

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

To: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

Dearest T'hy'la,

It is impossible to hate you. Perhaps there is an ounce of fear in my human mind as you once pointed out.

In the same manner, never were you so open to my advances until now.

Yours Loyally,

Spock

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Spock_** _ <_ _stspock@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._

* * *

From: **Kirk** <jtkirk@issenterprise.te>

To: **Spock** <stspock@issenterprise.te>

Subject: **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: [ENCRYPTED] RE: chess**

yeeeeaaaah

about that

we gon talk

 _This message was encrypted on behalf of_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _for your personal safety. If there is reason to suspect_ ** _Kirk_** _ <_ _jtkirk@issenterprise.te_ _>_ _is in violation of the law, you are to forward this message to <report@intelligence.te>._


	3. [POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [123] new messages._

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR… [Read more…]**

**do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[REMINDER] THIS ACCOUNT IS UNMONITORED, NEW ENQUIRIES PLEASE SEND TO… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR ENQUIRY FOR “??? receiving some yeoman’s private emails pls fix” HAS BEEN FORWARDED… [Read more…]**

 **Carol Marcus::** **[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR… [Read more…]**

**Pavel Andreievich Chekov::** **[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR… [Read more…]**

**Janice Lee Rand::** **[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR… [Read more…]**

Spock::  FW: ATTN ALT VACCINATION PROCEDURES FOR HIGHLY ALLERGIC PERSONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…] 

**Nyota Uhura::** **FW: ATTN ALT VACCINATION PROCEDURES FOR HIGHLY ALLERGIC PERSONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Christine Chapel::** **FW: ATTN ALT VACCINATION PROCEDURES FOR HIGHLY ALLERGIC PERSONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **[REMINDER] Please Refrain From Falling Asleep During Diplomatic Missions (3/3)**

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **[REMINDER] Please Refrain From Seductive Behavior During Diplomatic Missions (2/3)**

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **[REMINDER] Please Refrain From Using Profanity During Diplomatic Missions (1/3)**

Christine Chapel::  RE: ??? tastes like nothing :( no offence 

Christine Chapel::  Plomeek Soup Recipe As Requested 

**Horatio::** **ATTN ALT VACCINATION PROCEDURES FOR HIGHLY ALLERGIC PERSONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [1023] > >> _

* * *

From: **Janice Lee Rand** <jlrand@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Pavel Andreievich Chekov** <pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>, **Carol Marcus** <cmarcus@ussenterprise.sf>, **Jeanine J-9** <jj9@ussenterprise.sf>, **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>, **Robert Stephen Tomlinson** <rstomlinson@ussenterprise.sf>, **Angela Martine-Teller** <amartineteller@ussenterprise.sf>, **Madeline** <madeline@ussenterprise.sf>, **Jana Victoria Haines** <jvhaines@ussenterprise.sf>, **Thira Sidhu** <tsidhu@ussenterprise.sf>, **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>,...

BCC: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **[POLL] ❤❤ CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE!!! ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE MOST AWWW-SPIRING PAIR!!!**

Attention All Non-Commanding Officers!

Proceeding to the final round of our ship’s couple face-offs, cast your vote  here  for the sweetest couple on the bridge! Following our prelims last Standard month, we have painstakingly narrowed down the list to 10 cadet favorites!

 **[1] Captain Kirk and Commander Spock** \- Our top runners for every annual poll, the Captain and his XO are a self-explanatory pair. Is there still a soul on the Enterprise that hasn’t been flaunted their tireless domestic banters, selfless sacrifices, or unnecessary body contact (refer PDA in  Vulcans Don’t Lie (and 99 Things They “Imply”) by Amanda Grayson)? (Click  here  to replay our latest leaked security footage featuring our enthusiastic chessmaster with their exasperated second-in-command.) Their combined hotness keeps ship temperatures at an all-time high-- and us on the edge of our seats!

 **[2] Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura** \- Easily the deadliest couple on the bridge, these two have an established on-again, off-again romance that is most unpredictable for their highly structured minds. (No footage has been leaked yet, but Ensign Chekov has a  recording  of the Lieutenant muttering a Vulcan endearment* in fond exasperation.) One thing we know for sure-- they’d kill for each other, literally, so best not to cross either of them!

*We are anxiously awaiting translations-- such is the problem of Enterprise’s best communication officer being the speaker in question-- any takers please contact <pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>.

 **[3] Lieutenant Commander Scott and the USS Enterprise** \- No shame in mechanophilia! The Lieutenant Commander and his beautiful lady remain one of the most irrefutable relations in Starfleet history. (Click  here  for a full recount of Scotty defending his lady’s honor from foul-mouthed Klingons, courtesy of Ensign Chekov.) Scotty’s romance is, after all, the ship that will sink all ships, and the ship that keeps all ships running!

**[4] Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov, [5] Captain Kirk and Ensign Chekov, [6] Commander Spock and Ensign Chekov, [7] Lieutenant Uhura and Ensign Chekov, [8] Lieutenant Commander Scott and Ensign Chekov,...**

Which bridge couple will reign supreme? Only you can answer that question! Voting will remain open for **3 more Standard days**!

_Written by Pavel Chekov_

You may also like **❤❤ KIRKCEST: IMPOSTERS ABOARD (But They’re All Hot!) ❤❤** , **❤❤ WHAT MAKES SPOCK SPOCK? (Hint: 3.14% The Hair) ❤❤** , **❤❤ MCCOY: HE CARES (If You Look Past The Hypos) ❤❤** **,...**

Want to know more about the USS Enterprise and its amazing crew? Subscribe to our mailing list  here!

* * *

**❤❤ KIRKCEST: IMPOSTERS ABOARD (But They’re All Hot!) ❤❤**

Remember when our good old transporters split Captain Kirk into two equally, jaw-droppingly gorgeous counterparts, and one tried to kill the other? Ah, good times. Relive our most memorable Kirkcest moments through Ensign Chekov’s collection below.

<img src="transporteraccident105.jpg">

 **[1] Good Kirk, Bad Kirk** \- For y’all who’ve been dreaming up a Kirk sandwich, your fantasies aren’t too far-fetched from deep space anomalies. Blessed are those who were on-duty when our Captains-- one a touch harder and the other a touch softer than we know them-- were busy offing each other, in the same attire no less! (Excuse the blurry image, the Captain shoved our Ensign’s camera off the workstation. Bad Kirk indeed.) Now who’s going to put Commander Spock in a soul-splitting transporter?

<img src="whathappenedhere107.jpg”>

 **[2] Kirkdroid** \- A delicious demonstration of Clarke’s Third Law, our brief encounter with Captain Kirkdroid was, unfortunately, brief. Apparently no one was the wiser when this flawless replicate boarded our ship, and Commander Spock was left to play spot the difference. To this day the good Commander refuses to disclose how exactly he was able to pinpoint the imposter. (Ensign Chekov has generously gathered a list of plausible speculations. Click  here  to view the full list and add your own!)

<img src="transporteraccident204.jpg">

 **[3] Angry Kirk** \- Transporter + Ion Storm = Angry Kirk, that much is expected, except Commander Spock put our raging Captain in a cell as the other cited riches, power, and God knows what else in exchange for freedom. It’s safe to assume our Captain was an imposter that’s got a fiery temper, but wouldn’t it be nice to see this Captain fighting Bad Kirk (refer  hate sex)? Honestly, at this point, we’re just afraid to use the transporters.

<img src="unimpressedspock.jpg">

_Photos by Pavel Chekov_

You may also like **❤❤ WHAT MAKES SPOCK SPOCK? (Hint: 3.14% The Hair) ❤❤** , **❤❤ MCCOY: HE CARES (If You Look Past The Hypos) ❤❤** , **❤❤ MANIC SULU (5 Times Sulu Steals The Spotlight In First Contact) ❤❤** ,...

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _<_ _pachekov@ussenterprise.sf_ _>._

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** psst

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** chekov

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** a word

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** no dont turn

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i said dont turn

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Yes Keptin?

 _You have initiated a file transfer to_ ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _< pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>._

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _< pachekov@ussenterprise.sf> has accepted the file transfer._

 _100% Transfer Complete:_ _transporteraccident105.jpg_

**_Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** what is this

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** don’t get up

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** stare blankly ahead

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** that is an extremely unflattering photo of my face

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Your face is pretty from every angle, Sir.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** o shush

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** save your flattery for later

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** it has come to my attention

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** that circulation is inevitable

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** on this ship

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** so can u post this instead

 _You have initiated a file transfer to_ ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _< pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>._

 ** _Pavel Andreievich Chekov_** _< pachekov@ussenterprise.sf> has accepted the file transfer._

 _100% Transfer Complete:_ _DSC_31658473657895468.jpg_

**Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Zat is very flattering photo, Sir.

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** I see you are in good shape.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i do ok

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Permission to repost?

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** duh

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** that was kind of the point

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i mean

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** if it’s making the rounds anyway

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** gotta put ur best face forward

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** mirite ;)

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Zat is good life advice, Keptin.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** y do u type with an accent

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** I am proud of my origins, Sir.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** fair enough

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** get back to work u are on duty

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** So are you, Keptin.

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov:** Commander Spock is watching you.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** y

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** yikes

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** smartass

* * *

From: **Janice Lee Rand** <jlrand@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Pavel Andreievich Chekov** <pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>, **Carol Marcus** <cmarcus@ussenterprise.sf>, **Jeanine J-9** <jj9@ussenterprise.sf>, **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>, **Robert Stephen Tomlinson** <rstomlinson@ussenterprise.sf>, **Angela Martine-Teller** <amartineteller@ussenterprise.sf>, **Madeline** <madeline@ussenterprise.sf>, **Jana Victoria Haines** <jvhaines@ussenterprise.sf>, **Thira Sidhu** <tsidhu@ussenterprise.sf>, **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>,...

BCC: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **[CLOSED] ❤❤ YOU VOTED!!! ❤❤ OUR CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE THIS YEAR IS KIRK & SPOCK!!! ❤❤**

**[1] Captain Kirk and Commander Spock** \- To no one’s surprise, Captain Kirk and Mr Spock steal the show again this festive season, earning them their 12th gold in this year’s bridge crew polls following last Standard season’s  **❤❤ FIRE N ICE!!! ❤❤ ODDLY COMPLEMENTARY BRIDGE COUPLES ❤❤** . Many congratulations to the Enterprise’s longest standing romantic champions!

 **[2] Captain Kirk and Ensign Chekov** \- Coming a close second, to everyone’s surprise, is our dear Captain and Enterprise darling Ensign Chekov! The tides were almost turned two Standard days ago by none other than Captain Kirk himself, who has reportedly sent a breathtaking selfie to Ensign Chekov behind his XO’s back. Now that is one way to beat the competition!

 **[3] Lieutenant Commander Scott and the USS Enterprise** \- We are mildly disappointed that Scotty and his one true love have yet to make first place in these polls, but fear not: Starship Appreciation Week is just around the corner! Don’t forget to cast your vote for the Enterprise  here  in Starfleet’s official poll, and show the Defiant who’s boss!

_Written by Janice Lee Rand_

You may also like **❤❤ HOT BRASS (It’s Admiral Mighty Fine To You) ❤❤** , **❤❤ YAS QUEEN! (Another Round Of Swooning For Uhura The Badass) ❤❤** , **❤❤ BUTTHEAD APPRECIATION (Sexual Awakening From Seeing A Vian? You Are Not Alone) ❤❤** ,...

Want to know more about the USS Enterprise and its amazing crew? Subscribe to our mailing list  here!

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Janice Lee Rand_ ** _ <jlrand@ussenterprise.sf>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** ryone’s surprise, is our dear Captain and Enterprise darling Ensign Chekov! The tides were almost turned two Standard days ago by none other than Captain Kirk himself, who has reportedly sent a breathtaking selfie to Ensign Chekov behind his XO’s back. Now that is one way to beat the com

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** what

 ** _Janice Lee Rand_** _is typing…_

 **Janice Lee Rand:** My God.

 **Janice Lee Rand:** I’m terribly sorry you had to read that.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** so am i

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i did not send a breathtaking selfie to chekov

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and certainly not behind spock’s back

 **Janice Lee Rand:** Did you or did you not send a selfie to Chekov?

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **Janice Lee Rand:** Lieutenant Sulu has 20/20 vision.

 **Janice Lee Rand:** Point of fact, he saw a lot of skin.

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **Janice Lee Rand:** Commander Spock had no prior knowledge of it, no?

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** it was not

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** breathtaking

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** ok?

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and not for that purpose

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** what does this have to do with spock anyway???

 **Janice Lee Rand:** For what purpose exactly, Captain?

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** gtg

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** answer a call

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** from hq

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** kirk out

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [131] new messages._

 **Spock::** **Crew Schedule**

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **RE: THAT WAS NOT A COME ON**

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **[REMINDER] SFR-03-9102-1395 HQ Authorization for Intimate Relations between Flag and Line Officers**

Christopher Robin Pike::  RE: annnd i’m still single 

Christopher Robin Pike::  RE: really? i’m beginning to think you’re pulling regs out of ur ass 

**Christopher Robin Pike::** **[REMINDER] SFR-03-9102-1394 CO Authorization for Intimate Relations between Bridge Crew Members**

**do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[ERROR] Message Not Delivered: “RE: RE: hoooratiooo bb”**

Horatio::  RE: hoooratiooo bb 

Horatio::  I unblocked you ONLY to make sure you don’t do something stupid like have sex with a CHILD. Don’t send me dumbass messages like “hoooratiooo bb”... [Read More...] 

Horatio::  Really, Jim? He’s like TWELVE. Can’t you get laid at an alien brothel or something? 

**do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[REMINDER] THIS ACCOUNT IS UNMONITORED, NEW ENQUIRIES PLEASE SEND TO… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR ENQUIRY FOR “??? i am still getting weird subscription emails pls help” HAS BEEN FORWARDED… [Read more…]**

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ YOU VOTED!!! ❤❤ OUR CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE THIS YEAR IS KIRK & SPOCK!!! ❤❤**

**Pavel Andreievich Chekov::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ YOU VOTED!!! ❤❤ OUR CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE THIS YEAR IS KIRK & SPOCK!!! ❤❤**

Janice Lee Rand::  [CLOSED] ❤❤ YOU VOTED!!! ❤❤ OUR CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE THIS YEAR IS KIRK & SPOCK!!! ❤❤ 

_ << < Page [1] of [1025] > >> _

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Please see the attached.

Regards,

Spock

Attachments: [CrewSchedule_StWeek52.doc]

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: Crew Schedule**

thaaanks

what would i do without u spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

o we have no shifts tgt?

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Negative. It is 3.21% more efficient to have two senior commanding officers supervising two separate shifts, than it is to have them share the same shift and delegate another to their next-in-command.

Regards,

Spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

3%...

besides we seldom delegate... u wrangled a lot of free time on our hands ;)

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

wait

did u demote chekov without my permission

???

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Ensign Chekov has more than once expressed a keen interest in scientific research. I am merely following my duties as senior officer to heed the requests of my subordinates.

The science laboratory is the only logical assignment as Ensign Chekov’s ambitions lay primarily in biochemistry. Surely you do not expect his experiments to be performed on the bridge?

Regards,

Spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

funny

never heard he’s into biochem

like

when did he say that

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Ensign Chekov has expressed [1] enthusiasm for the position of science officer (please find attached his application and resume for the USS Enterprise) and [2] enthusiasm upon visiting our ship’s biochemistry laboratory the first time (please find attached an excerpt from my personal log).

As senior officer, it seems you do not know the Ensign as well as you should.

Regards,

Spock

Attachments: [PavelAndreievichChekov_Resume.doc], [PavelAndreievichChekov_ScienceOfficerApplication.doc], [03:12-03:15_PersonalLog_STSpock.wav]

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

spooooock

any enthusiasm that long ago must have expired since

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Is it that important to you for Ensign Chekov to remain on the bridge?

Regards,

Spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

he is my goddamn navigator spock

u cant just remove him!!!

* * *

From: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

Dear Captain,

Very well. Then perhaps it is I that should attend to the science laboratories, since no other senior officer is available for that task.

I will send you an updated crew schedule in 0.5 hour.

Regards,

Spock

* * *

From: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule**

what

no

what is your sudden obsession with our science labs???

* * *

From: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **[ERROR] Message Not Delivered: “RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Crew Schedule”**

You have been blocked by **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>. For more information, contact **Starfleet IT** <enquiries@it.sf>.

* * *

From: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject:  **[ERROR] Message Not Delivered: “SPOOOOOOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!!!!!”**

You have been blocked by **Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>. For more information, contact **Starfleet IT** <enquiries@it.sf>.


	4. Dear Admiralty...

_Greetings,_ **_Christopher Robin Pike!_ ** _You have [666] new messages._

 **Katrina Cornwell::** **[REMINDER] “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]**

 **Alexander Marcus::** **RE: Honestly Marcus Your Tactics Are Getting Old**

 **Philippa Georgiou::** **[TGIFkingF] KAT & GABE ALMOST DIED OF ALCOHOL POISONING WHERETF WERE U**

Number One:: [Monthly Reminder] Go Fetch Your Son From The Detention Camp

 **Alexander Marcus::** **RE: RE: RE: RE: If James T. Kirk Puts Another Toe Out Of Line…**

 **Carol Marcus::** **[POLL] ❤❤ KISSED BY KIRK / RED OF SHIRT ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE SIGN OF CERTAIN DEATH… [Read more…]**

Katrina Cornwell:: [CONFIDENTIAL] Vulcan Officers “Pon Farr” Risk Management Assessment - WED 1600 DCRM

James Tiberius Kirk:: ??? can i borrow your spock manual :”(

 **Philippa Georgiou::** **[TGIFkingF] LETS GET DRUNK & DANCE NAKED 1900 DODGE BAR**

Katrina Cornwell:: [REMINDER] New Vulcan Repopulation Project Meeting - FRI 1000 RM202

S'chn T'gai Spock:: Report - Week [52]

James Tiberius Kirk:: THAT WAS NOT A COME ON

James Tiberius Kirk:: annnd i’m still single

Katrina Cornwell:: [CONFIDENTIAL] “Section 31” Performance Assessment - THURS 0900 DCRM

Angela Martine-Teller:: [CLOSED] ❤❤ YOU VOTED!!! ❤❤ OUR CUTEST BRIDGE COUPLE THIS YEAR IS KIRK & SPOCK!!! ❤❤

_ << < Page [1] of [2130] > >> _

* * *

From: **Katrina Cornwell** <kcornwell@admiralty.sf>

To: **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **[REMINDER] “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]**

Hi Chris,

Please be reminded that you are in charge of this week’s “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column. You have to fill your quota of **10 reply threads in Standard Week [1]** or HR will forever be on your tail.

Enjoy,

Kat

* * *

 _Greetings,_ **_Dear Admiralty!_ ** _You have [1936] new messages._

 **So Done::** **My Ex And His “Best Friend” Are In Love, But Annoyingly Clueless About It**

 **Authentically Russian::** **Secret Admirer Only Gifts Red Shirts**

 **Reluctantly Racist…::** **My Penpal Of 10 Years Turned Out To Be A Brain… Literally, Dry, Not Preserved In Brain Juice… [Read More…]**

 **Anonymous::** **Enquiry**

 **sad::** **double blocked :”(**

 **Contemplating-Mutiny::** **My CO / Sugar Daddy Is A Furry And Active In The Tribble Dissection Fandom… [Read More…]**

 **crackhead::** **as a ferengi officer in a terran establishment, am sick of kids trying to wipe my head with toilet paper… [Read More…]**

 **Recreational_Fencer::** **SOMEONE HAS BEEN USING MY SHISEIDO PURPLE EYESHADOW. IT IS ANTIQUE… [Read More…]**

 **Anonymous::** **Enquiry**

 **Doctor::** **I’m A DOCTOR, Not A Goddamned Whatever Else These People Think I Am**

 **WeakStomach::** **I know of transporter phobia, but is it normal to fear replicators?**

 **Ach::** **If I Wanted Rest I’d Be In Mah Quarters, Nae Go On Some Alien Planet And Fend For Mah Life**

 **Anonymous::** **Enquiry**

_ << < Page [1] of [74656] > >> _

* * *

From: **“Doctor”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **I’m A DOCTOR, Not A Goddamned Whatever Else These People Think I Am**

Dear Admiralty,

I would think my credentials are clear, but apparently my Captain thinks I am also a [1] moon-shuttle conductor, [2] bricklayer, [3] psychiatrist, [4] scientist, [5] physicist, [6] escalator, [7] mechanic, [8] engineer, [9] magician, [10] coal miner, and a [11] torpedo technician. At this rate I’m either turning into Superman or an early grave.

Doctor

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Doctor”**

Subject: **RE: I'm A DOCTOR, Not A Goddamned Whatever Else These People Think I Am**

Son,

On the bright side, you can add 11 more specialties to your obituary.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“sad”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **double blocked :”(**

hi adm

my xo has blocked me on social media and i’m at a loss as to why

my bff has also blocked me… which i am more or less responsible

how do i get them both to unblock :”(

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“sad”**

Subject: **RE: double blocked**

Son,

One's an anomaly, two's a trend. Maybe you’re making the same mistake twice?

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

P.S.: Hypothetically speaking, if an action (say, blocking) hinders an officer (say, you) from effectively carrying out your duties (say, giving orders via email), it is quite probable that they (say, your XO) are contravening the law (say, SFR-03-0202-1391), for which said officer may report said action to the relevant authorities (say, SFHQ) to issue an immediate notice of termination (say, lawful request to unblock you). Should the accused (say, your XO) refuse to cooperate, said authority may issue an immediate order of interference to relevant persons (say, SFIT) to forcibly terminate said action.

* * *

From: **“Anonymous”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **Enquiry**

Dear Admiralty,

I (160M) have statistically sound reasons to believe my mate (60M) no longer finds me desirable. However he has a high libido even among his own species and I fear I cannot satisfy his appetite.

Please suggest a logical course of action.

Anonymous

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Anonymous”**

Subject: **RE: Enquiry**

Son,

Of all the things to fear at your age…

Rest assured, if your mate is still with you at 160, he most likely thinks you’re gorgeous.

There are, of course, a universe’s worth of sex toys for your perusal. I personally recommend purchasing from the Klingon market if you’re looking for rougher romps.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“Authentically Russian”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **Secret Admirer Only Gifts Red Shirts**

Dear Admiralty,

I have a secret admirer who has been gifting me shirts. Problem is zey’re all red.

How do I subtly hint I vant zem yellow?

Authentically Russian

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Authentically Russian”**

Subject: **RE: Secret Admirer Only Gifts Red Shirts**

Son,

They want you dead.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“Anonymous”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **Enquiry**

Dear Admiralty,

I (26M) believe my colleague (26M) is physically and emotionally invested in another colleague (18M) who is physically and emotionally immature and thereby incapable of handling the heavy physical and emotional toll of said colleague. I believe they should not be physically or emotionally entangled in objective consideration for their physical and emotional well-being.

Please suggest a logical course of action.

Anonymous

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Anonymous”**

Subject: **RE: Enquiry**

Son,

Unless you are also physically or emotionally invested in this ordeal, this does not concern you at all, does it?

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“So Done”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **My Ex And His “Best Friend” Are In Love, But Annoyingly Clueless About It**

Dear Admiralty,

My ex and his “best friend” are disgustingly in love. They are utterly hopeless, in that they have done literally everything (including kissing in public) short of admitting their feelings for each other. The workplace stress that entails is a journey that I cannot capture in a mere few paragraphs.

Lately these two have found yet another stupid reason to fight. My ex has resorted to pouting in a lab, staring at a petri dish for twenty minutes too long. He has turned greener by the hour, and upstairs the other idiot has obtained a permanent slouch that will someday evolve into a kink in his back. Everyone within a five mile radius is either scared for their jobs or biting their tongues to prevent from pointing out the bloody obvious.

Frankly, it is ridiculous, and it has been going on long enough that the crew is contemplating something between marriage counselling and chaining them both to a bedpost. I myself am in favor of the latter.

If you have anything in mind that will not result in my insubordination or mutiny, I’ll take it.

So Done

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“So Done”**

Subject: **RE: My Ex And His “Best Friend” Are In Love, But Annoyingly Clueless About It**

Son,

You seem to have your ex’s best interests in mind, but you are probably the last person that should meddle with their love affairs. History has taught us that that seldom ends well.

I legally cannot condone chaining anyone to a bedpost. However a scheduling error that puts the pair in the same room is not completely unheard of. And if someone with a speaker would like to play God and address the elephant in the room, that’s just another regular day on a starship.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“Perpetually Horny”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **Shocked (Turned On, But Shocked)**

Hi Admiralty.

I haven’t gotten laid in a lifetime and I’ve just reunited with my BF, so naturally I’m a bit clingy. Lately he’s been physically distant, and the next thing I know he has a newly acquired taste of Klingon BDSM. (Now he thinks he’s being subtle, but I know these brands from their wrapping paper. This one is eerily familiar.)

The BF I knew (know) is the ultimate boy scout. Should I be worried his genius brain got scrambled in some form of metalevel cross-universe travel, or has he just stumbled upon the wrong side of porn?

We’re not exactly young and I’m worried he’ll hurt himself trying to assemble those monstrosities.

Perpetually Horny

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Perpetually Horny”**

Subject: **RE: Shocked (Turned On, But Shocked)**

Son,

It seems your BF is experimenting and a little embarrassed about it.

If you’re not opposed to it, why not offer to help? I’m pretty sure that’ll cut to the chase.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

From: **“Exhausted”**

To: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

Subject: **We Tried To Put Two Lovebirds In A Nest And The Nest Somehow Caught On Fire**

Dear Admiralty,

Long story short, we had a couple fighting on our ship and we romantics collectively decided to end things by locking them in the labs. But between them pouting and us finding the speakers (don’t ask), one bird’s allergies (premature space baby, don’t ask) started flaring up due to all the chemicals in the air (we avoided the labs and its science officer like the plague for some time, don’t ask), and the other bird panicked and knocked over a bucket of highly flammable liquids. The labs literally caught on fire, and in the process of trying to undo the locks (alien strength, don’t ask) a string of explosives and corrosives got knocked over as well, resulting in a hole in the ship. We are now answering to higher powers and the lovebirds are due for disciplinary action.

Dear Admiralty, as a mere mortal I ask: why does this keep happening?

Exhausted

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Exhausted”**

Subject: **RE: We Tried To Put Two Lovebirds In A Nest And The Nest Somehow Caught On Fire**

Son,

What|

* * *

 _Incoming voice call from_ **_Katrina Cornwell_ ** _…_ **[Accept]** [Decline]

* * *

 _Incoming holographic call from_ **_Alexander Marcus_ ** _…_ [Accept] **[Decline]**

* * *

From: **Dear Admiralty** <dearadmiralty@admiralty.sf>

To: **“Exhausted”**

Subject: **RE: We Tried To Put Two Lovebirds In A Nest And The Nest Somehow Caught On Fire**

Son,

I wonder the same thing.

Warmest Regards,

Admiralty

* * *

 _Greetings,_ **_Christopher Robin Pike!_ ** _You have [678] new messages._

 **Carol Marcus::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@hr.sf** **::** **[REMINDER] You Have Not Completed Your Assigned Quota For “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]... [Read More…]**

 **Philippa Georgiou::** **RE: No.**

Philippa Georgiou:: [LMAO] YOUR KID IS GOLD CAN I ADOPT HIM

 **do-not-reply@hr.sf** **::** **[REMINDER] You Have Not Completed Your Assigned Quota For “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]... [Read More…]**

 **do-not-reply@oss.sf** **::** **[QUOTE] Emergency Repair Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]**

 **do-not-reply@hr.sf** **::** **[REMINDER] You Have Not Completed Your Assigned Quota For “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]... [Read More…]**

Katrina Cornwell:: [REMINDER] USS Enterprise Disciplinary Pre-meeting - TODAY 1400 RM404

Number One:: [Weekly Reminder] Go Fetch Your Son From The Detention Camp

 **do-not-reply@hr.sf** **::** **[REMINDER] You Have Not Completed Your Assigned Quota For “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]... [Read More…]**

James Tiberius Kirk:: oops

S'chn T'gai Spock:: Report - Week [1]

 **Pavel Andreievich Chekov::** **[POLL] ❤❤ KISSED BY KIRK / RED OF SHIRT ❤❤ VOTE FOR THE SIGN OF CERTAIN DEATH… [Read more…]**

**do-not-reply@hr.sf:: [REMINDER] You Have Not Completed Your Assigned Quota For “Dear Admiralty…” Advice Column - Week [1]... [Read More…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [2133] > >> _


	5. Professional Relationship Evaluation

_Greetings,_ **_S'chn T'gai Spock!_ ** _You have [1] new messages._

 **Christopher Robin Pike::** **Reassignment Offer: USS Yorktown, First Officer**

Katrina Cornwell:: [REMINDER] USS Enterprise Disciplinary Meeting - FRI 1200 RM404

do-not-reply@oss.sf:: [QUOTE] Chemical Decontamination Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]

do-not-reply@oss.sf:: [AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR REQUEST FOR “Chemical Decontamination Services” FOR “USS Enterprise” HAS BEEN RECEIVED… [Read More…]

Leonard Horatio McCoy:: If You Poison Him I WILL Know

Leonard Horatio McCoy:: FW: [LINK] You have requested a digital copy of “James Tiberius Kirk: Medical History: Allergies”… [Read More…]

Leonard Horatio McCoy:: Where I’m From There Is A Thing Called DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY, Look It Up

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [ACCESS DENIED] You are not authorized to access “James Tiberius Kirk: Medical History”… [Read More…]

do-not-reply@oss.sf:: [QUOTE] Emergency Repair Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [SFR-03-0202-1391] James Tiberius Kirk has been UNBLOCKED on your account… [Read More…]

do-not-reply@jag.sf:: [SFR-03-0202-1391] You are advised to UNBLOCK James Tiberius Kirk… [Read More…]

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: RE: RE: Enquiry

S'chn T'gai Salek:: RE: Enquiry

Carol Marcus:: [CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]

Angela Martine-Teller:: [CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]

_ << < Page [1] of [500] > >> _

* * *

From: **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **Reassignment Offer: USS Yorktown, First Officer**

Commander,

As per our meeting last week, the USS Enterprise will undergo emergency repairs starting this Monday. Your Captain and your crew will remain Earth-bound for this duration.

Furthermore, the Admiralty is considering reassigning you to USS Yorktown for a 1-year mission, as First Officer under the command of Captain Joel Randolph. Should you accept, the reassignment will be **effective immediately** and you will report to Commodore Paris at Yorktown Base.

Regards,

C. Pike

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _ <crpike@admiralty.sf>. _

**S'chn T'gai Spock:** Admiral. I do not understand. There was no prior mention of a reassignment in the previous disciplinary meeting. Has Captain Kirk been informed of this arrangement?

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Hi Spock.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** The offer is on the table, but we still need some time to work out the kinks.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** I haven’t told Jim yet.

 **_S'chn T'gai Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** But we do feel strongly that it will do you good.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Randolph has applied for the post of Vice Admiral at Yorktown and HQ has already given an approval-in-principle. We are essentially giving you command of USS Yorktown after the 1-year mission.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** That’s way faster track than you serving as XO under Jim.

 **_S'chn T'gai Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I believe I have made myself abundantly clear that I have no wish for command.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Well, that was then and this is now.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** My view has not changed. I am certain of my place at the USS Enterprise.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** If it’s the ship you’re worried about, the USS Yorktown is as heavy-duty as they come…

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I am not my chief engineer, Sir.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** The capabilities of my ship do not concern me.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I was under the impression that the disciplinary action was concluded in the form of a formal reprimand to Captain Kirk and myself. Have I interpreted wrongly?

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Reassignment is not punishment, Spock.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Quite the contrary, it is a promotional offer.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** To offer a promotion immediately after formally reprimanding said officer is an illogical course of action.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** This promotion is not a spur of the moment decision. You have been top of the waiting list for some time. To withdraw promotion from a competent officer over something so trivial as minor misconduct would be more illogical than the contrary.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** That being said, burning a hole in your ship to the extent it has to be Earth-bound for repairs is… frankly, quite ridiculous.

 **_S'chn T'gai Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** Does that mean I have full right to decline the offer?

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** You should take some time to think it over.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** That does not answer my question.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** You have full right.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** On one condition.

 **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _is typing…_

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** There is speculation in HQ that your working relationship with Captain Kirk has been strained, and that is a contributing factor to the unfortunate “accident” leading to this conversation.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** That assumption is false.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** The effectiveness of the working relationship between Captain Kirk and myself is 94.25%. That is 31.42% above the average effectiveness between Starfleet Captains and First Officers.

 **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _is typing…_

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Good.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Where was I?

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** The false assumption made by the Admiralty that I have a less than effective working relationship with Captain Kirk, when in fact we have, if I may, the most effective working relationship between Captain and First Officer in Starfleet history.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** …OK.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Well, speculation is speculation. The Admiralty is run by people, not supercomputers. And you are to convince them not by numbers, but by what we call a “Professional Relationship Evaluation” conducted by Starfleet Medical.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** A questionnaire you will receive shortly in your email.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** That is the condition I am to fulfill to decline my reassignment offer?

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Yes.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** Then I will return the questionnaire to you upon completion.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Much appreciated.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Just so you know, should you change your mind, the offer still stands.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** That will not be necessary, Admiral.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** Live long and prosper.

* * *

From: **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>

To: **S'chn T'gai Spock** <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **Professional Relationship Evaluation (RE: Reassignment Offer: USS Yorktown, First Officer)**

Commander,

As per our conversation, please visit https://www.prooofessionalreeelationshipeeevaluation.sf/spock/ to complete your Professional Relationship Evaluation.

Regards,

C. Pike

* * *

**Professional Relationship Evaluation**

NAME: S'chn T'gai Spock

POSITION: COMMANDER ▽ USS ENTERPRISE ▽

WORKING PARTNER: James Tiberius Kirk

WORKING PARTNER’S POSITION: CAPTAIN ▽ USS ENTERPRISE ▽

* * *

_Answer every question as honestly as possible._

* * *

**In a Standard 24-hour day, do you spend over 60% of your waking hours thinking about** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[ ] Yes

[✓] No

* * *

_Answer every question as honestly as possible._

* * *

**In a Standard 24-hour day, do you spend over 60% of your waking hours thinking about** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience an increase in adrenaline, dopamine, or serotonin?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience an increase in testosterone levels?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience an increase in oxytocin and vasopressin concentrations?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience temporary deactivation / relaxation of activity in the amygdala and the frontal, parietal, and middle temporal cortex?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _ <crpike@admiralty.sf>. _

**S'chn T'gai Spock:** Admiral.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I find it hard to believe this is a standard issue questionnaire from Starfleet Medical.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** SFMed took some advice.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** This is still your condition for rejecting the reassignment.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Unless you’d like to accept?

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience physical and emotional instability, such as accelerated heart rate / breathing and exhilaration?**

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _ <crpike@admiralty.sf>. _

**S'chn T'gai Spock:** I experience accelerated heart rate and breathing in the Captain’s presence due to the frequent occurrence of life-threatening scenarios.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Obviously.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** Jim has a predisposition to danger.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** So I have noticed.

 **_S'chn T'gai Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** It’s yes or no, Spock.

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you experience physical and emotional instability, such as accelerated heart rate / breathing and exhilaration?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, have you aligned / attempted to align your interests, habits, or mannerisms to match theirs?**

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _ <crpike@admiralty.sf>. _

**S'chn T'gai Spock:** I align my interests, habits, and mannerisms with Jim to facilitate cross-species communication. That is not specific to him.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Spock.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** 3D chess is in your curriculum.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Almost everyone on board has some knowledge of it.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** How many people have you played against in the past year outside of the annual tournament?

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** 3?

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** Two.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I have played once against McCoy.

 **S'chn T'gai Spock:** I find he is genetically incapable of understanding the logic of the game.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Yes, well.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** He’s a doctor, not a grandmaster.

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, have you aligned / attempted to align your interests, habits, or mannerisms to match theirs?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, are you more open to new ideas / activities?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In the presence of** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, are you more resistant to physical pain?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In regards to your relationship with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you exhibit signs of emotional dependency, such as possessiveness and jealousy?**

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Christopher Robin Pike_ ** _ <crpike@admiralty.sf>. _

**S'chn T'gai Spock:** Vulcans do not experience possessiveness or jealousy.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** …

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Remind me how that hole in the Enterprise came to be.

 **_S'chn T'gai Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Do yourself a favor, Spock.

 **Christopher Robin Pike:** Just finish the damn quiz.

* * *

**In regards to your relationship with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you exhibit signs of emotional dependency, such as possessiveness and jealousy?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**In regards to your relationship with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **, do you exhibit signs of stress / vulnerability, such as sleeplessness and loss of appetite?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**Do you wish the best for** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**Have you speculated a shared future with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

**Do you wish to bond with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

[ ] No

* * *

[ ] No

* * *

[ ] No

* * *

**Do you wish to bond with** **James Tiberius Kirk** **?**

[✓] Yes

[ ] No

* * *

It is the collective opinion of **Christopher Pike, Leonard McCoy, Nyota Uhura, Pavel Chekov, Hikaru Sulu, all crew members of the USS Enterprise, and all affected members of the Admiralty, New Vulcan, Yorktown, SFHQ, SFIT, SFHR, SFOSS, SFJAG, SFMed,...** that you are in love with James Tiberius Kirk.

You are to state this FACT to James Tiberius Kirk DIRECTLY and IMMEDIATELY.

Your SFR-03-9102-1393 CO Authorization for Intimate Relations between Commanding Officers is overdue. Please submit the completed form to **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf> at your earliest convenience.

 **Captain Joel Randolph** and **Commodore Paris** wish you all the best in your romantic endeavors.


	6. [RTT] #SpotSpock

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Adm’s Spock_ ** _ <stsalek@nvulcan.ufp>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** hey

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** can we talk

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** pike came by 10 mins ago

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** n said… spock was offered xo

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** uss yorktown

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** technically a promotion

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** since randolph has hq’s aip for vice admiral

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** so i was like. great. spock deserves his own ship

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** most qualified guy i know

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and i put so much effort into grinning i ground my canines flat

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** then i slammed the door so hard i cracked the jamb

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and maybe pike’s nose

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** idk

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** idek who i’m mad at

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** prolly pike for offering

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and spock

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** and randolph for existing

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** definitely randolph for existing

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** im the world’s biggest hypocrite

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** yorktown is a fine ship

 **_James Tiberius Kirk_ ** _is typing…_

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** im pathetic

 **_Adm’s Spock_ ** _is typing…_

 **Adm’s Spock:** Hello Jim.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** hey hi

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i was hoping u’d be around

 **Adm’s Spock:** I apologize Jim, this is not a good time to talk.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** oh

 **Adm’s Spock:** My Jim and I are watching a “rom-com”.

 **Adm’s Spock:** It is illogical, but quite fascinating.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** oh

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** that’s sweet

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** guess i’ll just

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** catch u later

 **Adm’s Spock:** The lead also bears an uncanny resemblance to you.

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** i have one of those faces

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** enjoy the holo :)

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** kirk out

* * *

 _Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [135] new messages._

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT STARFLEET ACADEMY (ETA 10 mins) #SpotSpock**

Katrina Cornwell:: [REMINDER] USS Enterprise Disciplinary Meeting - FRI 1200 RM404

 **do-not-reply@oss.sf** **::** **[QUOTE] Chemical Decontamination Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]**

 **Nyota Uhura::** **FW: POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **Christine Chapel::** **FW: POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **Leonard Horatio McCoy::** **POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@oss.sf** **::** **[QUOTE] Emergency Repair Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]**

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [SFR-03-0202-1391] S'chn T'gai Spock has UNBLOCKED you on their account… [Read More…]

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **RE: :”(**

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

Janice Lee Rand:: FW: [SFITHacks] How to Quickly Unsubscribe from Unwanted Emails

Janice Lee Rand:: RE: ??? stop sending me emails there is no cancel button :(

 **Janice Lee Rand::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[REMINDER] THIS ACCOUNT IS UNMONITORED, NEW ENQUIRIES PLEASE SEND TO… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[AUTOMATIC REPLY] YOUR ENQUIRY FOR “??? the spam…” HAS BEEN FORWARDED… [Read more…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [1031] > >> _

* * *

From: **Starfleet IT** <do-not-reply@it.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

CC: **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>, **Adm’s Spock** <stsalek@nvulcan.ufp>, **Horatio** <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf>, **Nyota Uhura** <nuhura@ussenterprise.sf>, **Pavel Andreievich Chekov** <pachekov@ussenterprise.sf>, **Hikaru Kato Sulu** <hksulu@ussenterprise.sf>,...

Subject: **[RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT STARFLEET ACADEMY (ETA 10 mins) #SpotSpock**

 **14:00PST** S'chn T'gai Spock is at **Starfleet Academy**

_This is an automated message generated by SFIT’s Real-Time Tracking System._

* * *

_You sent an instant messaging request to_ **_Spock_ ** _ <stspock@ussenterprise.sf>. _

**James Tiberius Kirk:** uh

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** why are u on fleet wide broadcast

 **James Tiberius Kirk:** did u vulcan death grip an it guy

* * *

 _Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [136] new messages._

 **Horatio::** **Just This Once* I Am Begging You To Take A Leap Of Faith And Choose What Is NEW And TERRIFYING And RIGHT**

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT STARFLEET ACADEMY (ETA 10 mins) #SpotSpock

Katrina Cornwell:: [REMINDER] USS Enterprise Disciplinary Meeting - FRI 1200 RM404

 **do-not-reply@oss.sf** **::** **[QUOTE] Chemical Decontamination Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]**

 **Nyota Uhura::** **FW: POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **Christine Chapel::** **FW: POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **Leonard Horatio McCoy::** **POST-ACCIDENT MEDICAL CHECK-UPS ARE MANDATORY AS PER SF REGULATIONS, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@oss.sf** **::** **[QUOTE] Emergency Repair Services #10-10-1776-5-28-1830-242-3-316-68-22 - USS Enterprise… [Read More…]**

do-not-reply@it.sf:: [SFR-03-0202-1391] S'chn T'gai Spock has UNBLOCKED you on their account… [Read More…]

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **RE: :”(**

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

Janice Lee Rand:: FW: [SFITHacks] How to Quickly Unsubscribe from Unwanted Emails

Janice Lee Rand:: RE: ??? stop sending me emails there is no cancel button :(

 **Janice Lee Rand::** **[CLOSED] ❤❤ SURPRISE!!! ❤❤ DEATH IS NOT FROM “KISSED BY KIRK” / “RED OF SHIRT” BUT “STRESS FROM SPIRK” ❤❤… [Read more…]**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[REMINDER] THIS ACCOUNT IS UNMONITORED, NEW ENQUIRIES PLEASE SEND TO… [Read more…]**

_ << < Page [1] of [1031] > >> _

* * *

From: **Horatio** <lhmccoy@ussenterprise.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **Just This Once* I Am Begging You To Take A Leap Of Faith And Choose What Is NEW And TERRIFYING And RIGHT**

*Every Other Time Pick What Is TESTED And SAFE I Cannot Fathom Most Of Your Life Choices

* * *

 _Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [149] new messages._

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS (ETA 5 mins) #SpotSpock**

 **Demora Sulu::** **[RTT] SPOCKBOMBED TEAM LUNCH PHOTO #SpotSpock**

 **S'chn T'gai Sybok::** **There’s A 99.98% Chance Spock Never Mentioned Me But Good Luck With The Family... [Read More…]**

 **Vulcan High Council::** **Honeymoon Packages (Includes Pon Farr Recovery Breakfast)**

 **S'chn T'hai Sonak::** **Witness #SpotSpock**

 **Hikaru Kato Sulu::** **I’ve Been Losing Money Since :(**

 **Hikaru Kato Sulu::** **We’ve Been Betting Since He Dropped You On Delta Vega :(**

 **Hikaru Kato Sulu::** **It’s ABOUT DAMN TIME! :D**

 **do-not-reply@hr.sf::** **Starfleet Spouse Scattergories - SIGN UP NOW!**

 **Carol Marcus::** **[RTT] Commander’s GRAVITY-DEFYING BOWL FRINGE Is On Point (Photo) #SpotSpock**

 **Gary Clark Mitchell::** **GO GET HIM TIGER ;)**

 **Montgomery Christopher Jorgensen Scott::** **Aye Ye Belong With The Commander Captain, As I Belong Tae Mah Ship**

 **Michael Burnham::** **There’s A 99.98% Chance Spock Never Mentioned Me But Welcome To The Family... [Read More…]**

 **Angela Martine-Teller::** **[RTT] Commander Spock Is Crossing The Lawn! #SpotSpock**

Horatio:: Just This Once* I Am Begging You To Take A Leap Of Faith And Choose What Is NEW And TERRIFYING And RIGHT

_ << < Page [1] of [1032] > >>_

* * *

_Greetings,_ **_James Tiberius Kirk!_ ** _You have [163] new messages._

 **Christopher Robin Pike::** **FW: Reassignment Offer: USS Yorktown, First Officer**

 **do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT James Tiberius Kirk’s OFFICE (ETA 0 mins) #SpotSpock**

 **James Tiberius Kirk::** **It’ll be fun.**

 **Adm’s Spock::** **Illogical, but fascinating.**

 **Spock’s Dad::** **Blessing**

 **Amanda Grayson::** **[eBook] How to Survive Pon Farr: An Expert’s Guide to Handling Entirely Preventable Disasters Caused by Vulcan “Omission”... [Read More…]**

 **Amanda Grayson::** **[eBook] The Flavor Bible: MYO Spice Blends In Vulcan Supermarkets... [Read More…]**

 **Amanda Grayson::** **[eBook] My Husband Tried To Bleach His Feelings (And 20 Dumb Things Vulcans Do That You Can Stop)... [Read More…]**

 **T'Pau::** **Blessing**

 **Nyota Uhura::** **Between Us Girls: You Have Experience But He Has THE Skills (Talk About Racial Advantages…)... [Read More…]**

 **Christine Chapel::** **FW: Vulcan Diet Replicator Cheat Sheet**

 **Katrina Cornwell::** **[RTT] A Black Mushroom Sped Past Our Window… #SpotSpock**

 **Horatio::** **OBSERVE SFR-03-9102-1391 RE: INTERSPECIES SEX & STD PREVENTION, CMO ORDERS… [Read more…]**

**Pavel Andreievich Chekov:: I am sending you back your photo Keptin, it came vith death threat**

**do-not-reply@it.sf::** **[RTT] S'chn T'gai Spock IS AT STARFLEET HEADQUARTERS (ETA 5 mins) #SpotSpock**

_ << < Page [1] of [1033] > >>_

* * *

From: **Christopher Robin Pike** <crpike@admiralty.sf>

To: **James Tiberius Kirk** <jtkirk@ussenterprise.sf>

Subject: **FW: Reassignment Offer: USS Yorktown, First Officer**

For the record, he said no.

Your move, son.


End file.
